Echoes
by Xx-Synthetic-Cyanide-xX
Summary: Deep inside I knew that N could never harbour complicated emotions like love, but there was a small glimmer of hope that prayed that perhaps his heart thundered for me just like mine yearned for him. Implied Isshushipping, and Blacksquaredshipping. Vent fanfic.


**Author's Note: Hello to everyone! Thi****s is a little vent fanfic for you all to enjoy. I had far too many emotions swirling round so I thought I better get them on the page. I hope you enjoy, and drop a review if you'd like.**

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><p><strong>Echoes<strong>

_I guess I didn't actually know what love was. _

I had thought that when the whirlwind that was namely N entered my life, and left my heart and soul in tatters, that this was the end. That there would be no way back from the dark abyss that was a broken heart. The pain was agonising, shedding gut wrenching tears, feeling your whole body almost tear apart at the seams just from grieving.

Life seemed so unbearable when he left without saying a word, not even fighting for what we had, whatever that was. Was it a relationship? Unlikely. It was more of a ridiculous infatuation on my part. Deep inside I knew that N could never harbour complicated emotions like love, but there was a small glimmer of hope that prayed that perhaps his heart thundered for me just like mine yearned for him.

It was a hopeless case, and something I hoped to learn from. Falling so hopelessly in love with someone so psychologically damaged, and broken...it wasn't the best idea I have ever had, however you can't help who you fall for. I know that now, I just wish that perhaps I had fought a little harder to prevent him from knowing my feelings.

_ Maybe he wouldn't have left me for dust, maybe things would have been different..._

Thankfully I had a lot of good friends to get me through the days. Cheren and Bianca were always around, offering a sympathetic ear, or a shoulder to cry on when I just couldn't face the world anymore. It meant everything to me, but there was one person who somehow always managed to make things right again.

Nate was the type of person you could totally depend on a hundred percent and he would have your back. You could tell him your deepest and darkest secrets, and he would take them to the grave with him. He never lost his temper, always keeping a level head, and always looked at the bright side of things. I was so eternally grateful to have someone like him in my life.

He was so carefree and happy, always full of life, and I envied that. I envied how someone could appear so happy all the time, who was genuinely so nice and helpful to everyone. Who always knew the right words to say in a moment of weakness. The short messy haired brunet was a big part of my life, a part that I realised all too quickly that I couldn't live without.

N was gone now, and I had to let that go, as hard as it was. Deleting every single trace of his existence from my life, and my memory. It was tougher than I thought, but Nate was always there, helping me when I needed it most. Giving words of encouragement, words of sympathy and love. It was soon after when the gears of my mind, and my heart started to click back into place.

Finally, it didn't hurt anymore.

I could wake up in the morning, and actually smile instead of painting on a facade for the world to witness. It was genuine, and it was all because of Nate. He made the days worthwhile, just knowing I was going to see him, and speak to him, it seemed to add more spark into my life. I guess, I'd describe him as a candle.

Nate always seemed to add just that little bit more light into the room, and gave you a feeling of contentment, of feeling safe and secure.

As days went on, and we spent more time together, the empty void that once lay in my heart was slowly starting to heal. The pain and the torment that once ravaged my brain was now subsiding, and for once there looked like there was light at the end of the metaphorical tunnel. Nate always made me feel important, and needed, which was what I needed.

N didn't need me.

N didn't need anyone.

And now, I knew that.

The more we spoke, the more I started to feel flushed, as if I were a lovesick teenager all over again. The tone of his voice, his cute beaming smile, everything, suddenly it all seemed like perfection.

Something I had missed.

Something I had once believed I saw in N.

_I was wrong._

N wasn't perfect. N was broken, and fragmented, unable to be fixed. Nate was different. He was kind, loving, adorable in every sense of the word, and more importantly...he was the perfect medicine that I needed.

The longer we spoke and hung out together, the easier it was to forget N even existed, and the more times I realised my heart started to thunder once again. I thought I knew what love was when I met N.

_ I was wrong._

This young, messy haired boy continued to ravage my thoughts, and my heart, ruling every fibre of my being. Not a moment passed where I wouldn't find myself, thinking about him, and his adorable voice. At how his nose used to crinkle before he sneezed, how I memorised every single perfect freckle that smothered his skin. I was swooning over the boy, and the feelings were constantly increasing.

It got to the point where the slightest thing would make me flustered, where in my mind I'd paint out scenarios of being with him, what it would feel like to cuddle him in a loving embrace, to press feather like kisses all over his cheeks and watch him blush profusely. To be able to take him out to dinner, and treat him like a Prince.

It was all I wanted.

Nate was, of course, oblivious, and as time went on the feelings increased with vigour. It was becoming harder and harder to not just spill out my heart for him to see, and allow him to judge all the contents. I just wanted to have the courage to tell him what I felt, that he meant more to me than I ever realised. That the one constant entity in my life, during all the bad times with N, was the only thing I ever needed in the first place.

Everything that I had been searching for was actually right under my nose the entire time, and it was only now that I had begun to realise that.

N, and the memories we shared are now nothing more than echoes, that fade with time. My heart no longer feels as if it is dying from the inside, or being torn apart. It is now renewed and alive, pounding strongly. Its strange how one disastrous event can flip your life upside down, and make you realise just what it is that you actually want in your life.

I knew that now.

_All I wanted was Nate, but the only thing that terrified me was...did he want me too?_

Being hopelessly in love...was I glutton for punishment?

However, I had a feeling that maybe this time my heart wouldn't be ripped to shreds, that it would be taken care of, and looked after.

I guess only time will tell.


End file.
